The time I realised my daughter had turned into my mother ....

... and bitterness rules her and her husbands life? After a few very nastily worded mails from my son-in-law and me hitting back equally bad, I wrote my daughter the following email today:

Dear J.,

It is about time that I write to you personally and finish communicating with S. In the last few days I have suffered from his words, I was unable to sleep and couldnt think of anything else. During my morning meditation today I suddenly realised, that this whole situation has hardly anything to do with me. I did read all his mails again and noticed that most of the points he has raised are things with which he or you can't cope yourselves. Ok, so some stuff was purely written to put a dagger between my ribs, but I won't and I can't hold that against him. I am old enough and strong enough to take it. But what really worries me is why you both are so incredibly bitter and negative from the core. I did particularly notice that in your flat which reeks with negative energy. I am also sad about the fact that you (or both of you) won't accept any help to see the world in a brighter, more pleasant light. Essentially I can see the goodness and love in both of you and I can't undstand why you both closed up so much over the past few years. I would love to get to the root of it, it would be a starting point. At the moment I can only observe that you see merely the bad in each person which causes you to react with intolerance and aggression.This hurts, particularly because it is happening to 2 people who are so near and dear to me. Why so grim? Why did you create such tight boundaries, which only allow your own limitations? Why so narrow-minded with everything and everybody? Where does all the fear come from? Wouldn't you world be a nicer place, if you did accept that there are different concepts for living in it besides your own? These other concepts can be enriching, there is no need to be afraid of them. But to accept them one has to open up and WANT to acknowledge them.

Unfortunately I let myself go and answered S. in a similar tone to his. For that I am sorry. The meaning of 'What goes around comes around' (i.e. I just echoed his attitude) suddenly became crystal clear today. But that was my challenge and I learned from it. Hopefully it will never happen again. I promise to try and treat S. with more respect in the future.

Your husband informed me that I can expect a mail from you in the near future to confirm his thoughts and opnions about me. That's ok, I still would like to hear from you. Should you want to tell me that you don't want to further engage with me (sorry if I am maybe jumping to the wrong conclusion), then I would like you to consider the fact that it is YOUR decision and not mine. Du you really want to burn all bridges? I can see clearly what is happening here, but I do not want to influence you. After all, you're a grown-up and you have to choose your own path in life. I can't force anybody to be happy.


I hope my words weren't too harsh, I wonder what her/their response will be ... if any. Originally I meant to translate all the mails I received over the past few days, but then I thought that it just means repeating all the nastiness and negativity, which in due course would only attract more of the same. For the time being I will keep a copy of those words, but I hope to be able to bury them somewhere in the ground soon, so they will have served their purpose.

Namasté