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I have started to re-programme myself to the law of attraction and The Secret (http://thesecret.tv/). I have known The Secret for a long time, but failed to acknowledge its power and truth. But since starting the process, I am reaping the first benefits.
The Housing Benefit Office, which didnt answer 3 emails and 2 letters has written to me explaining how I can get more HB and also that I would be eligible to access their fund for extra payments as I am in rent arrears. In first instance I thought: "The buggers, why didnt they tell me earlier?", but in my re-programmed status I then came to think that I am grateful that they have finally written and enabled me to do something about this financial issue. How long did it take for that to happen? Well, the last few weeks I was just angry that they didnt answer, in due course I did get no answer! Simple law of attraction. Yesterday afternoon I started to think that they WILL answer and WILL give me a positive reply, and today I got their email with a copy of a letter that went into the post today together with some forms to fill in. So it took about 24 hours for the initial thought to be processed by the universe! Isnt that just great? Now I know that my other wishes and aspirations will come true too. I feel wonderful!!!
The second great thing that happened today was my doctor's visit this afternoon. Firstly she managed to do my smear ... yeeehawwww ... as that is difficult with the vaginal septum. I am a bit sore now, but at least I am done for 5 years providing I get the all clear for it. Then I got her to prescribe more skin care stuff, as my skin is still as sore and open as during treatment. And she was not skimping on the prescription :) Then I managed to talk to her about counselling, which she agrees would do me good. Yeeehawww again, coz the other doctors always just looked at me funny. Unfortunately the GPs cant direct transfer anymore, but she has given me a long list of places who do free counselling. So tomorrow morning I will grab the phone and start contacting them. I know now that I will find something suitable and quickly too.
And I finally know what I want to do workwise too. I am not going back to employment, I will go self-employed. And although financial success might be a long haul, it is what I want to do and I know I can do it well. I will teach handicrafts in community groups. I have given myself 3 months for the preparations and research I need to do. Starting classes on 1st March 2009 is the aim. Although I realise that it might be just one to start with, I know this will grow over time. The idea is that people who attend will pay £5 (£3.50 concessions) for the class. For that they will get tutoring, a free pattern per session and online/telephone advice if needed. I will limit the classes to 10 members at first. Sessions are 90 minutes. This price is based on the area where I live, which is not very affluent. Once I am able to start in areas like Clifton, Redland or even out in Thornbury or Weston-super-Mare, then I will apply a different rate of pay. Probably £7.50 and £5.00 concessions. We'll see! On top of that, every project I actually finish will go towards a stall on the Xmas arts and craft fayres next year. Am I brilliant or am I brilliant LOL. No problem with the tax office as I am already registered with them. Have to look into insurance though and a business account. But time enough for that in January. Until then I do the free online advertising in the area and see who and where expresses interest. That is the first stage of research. I am so happy and feel so positive about this. And this time ... I wont give in at the first hurdle LOL.
In this frame of mind I am now looking forward to going to Germany on 29th December and spending 2 weeks with my daughter and family, as well as some friends. So you see, there is life after HepC treatment. If nothing else, I am going to prove that one.
Love you all ....
... is what I feel like today. Went to the gig last night, and although both Swallow The Sun and Apocalyptica gave their best, the acoustic in the Carling Academy Bristol made it sound crap. Also when I saw Apocalyptica the last time, supporting Rammstein in Brixton Academy a couple of years back, they had a sort of serenity and solemness about them, which I liked. It somehow had more spirit. It was beautiful to look at then and maybe I went there yesterday with expectations which couldnt be fulfilled. At some point, when one of the guys took his top of, it was like being at some cheap stip joint as all the little girlies started shrieking and shouting. I expect that behaviour from men, but not from women. On the other hand, this has just reminded me of a gig I played with Statik in the Arnolfini. I was going out with Lucy from Glastonbury then, and she brought all her Lesbian friends along. About in the middle of the gig during a rather quiet song, about 15 women started shouting my name and 'get your tits out for the girls'. That was rather embarrassing and unfitting for the type of music (Industrial). I was told afterwards in no uncertain terms, not to bring that bunch of nutters along again LOL.
But coming to the feeling of 'unhinged'. It was the second time that I mixed with so many people again since way before treatment. The first time was when Kittie and I went out in Soho last month. I didnt do badly on either occasion, but it does leave me feeling empty and drained the next day. Somehow I loose all the confidence and self-love have have been building up recently and have to start again. I did concede to have 2 pints of watered down lager, which might have something to do with it although I didnt feel in the slightest drunk. Maybe it's just the hordes of people and being in close proximity with some unpleasant characters ;) Well, nothing a bit of spiritual cleansing and energy work can't put right. So today I am having a simple and relaxing time, maybe a nice fragrant bath in a bit. Must come down to Earth again ...
Oh and Kittie, if you read this: The leather coat had a nice outing last night ;)
Yes, I have been lazy with my blog. There are just not enough hours in the day. But I have the impression nobody is reading it anymore, probably it is not interesting to people because I have finished treatment and there are no real trials and tribulations in my life anymore. Never mind, I am still using this as a diary of sorts. However, there really hasn't been that much to report. Life is generally quite happy and full to the brim. I am doing all those things I meant to do during treatment, but never got round to it. At the moment I am making Yule cookies, have put up the tree (although I couldnt find last years deco's) and I am knitting/crocheting at an amazing speed. Soon I will have all the pressies I need ready *hope*
T came and went and it was an interesting night. Lots of healing and spiritual shifts, I think in her as well as me and particularly the dog. She is totally different. After T went last Wednesday, it took me 2 walks to make her walk to heel, even across the road, whereas before she would have just dragged me over the asphalt as fast as caninely possible. Which always ended up with me being in a bad mood! Now she walks nicely and doesnt pick up as much rubbish anymore either. This results in me being in a much better frame of mind and us both enjoying the time together even more. She is also on a more strict diet now and I think it has started to show. It has finally clicked, that even a little too much weight on her, at her age is actually making her age fast by wearing out the joints and muscles. So I really have to be cruel (so she thinks) to be kind (what I feel).
I have also started to take some more supplements as T gave me an ear bashing about not looking after myself well enough. So to the Vitamin B complex I was taking I have now added Omega 3-6-9, Glucosamine and vegetarian cod liver oil (cant remember what its called and too LAZY to walk downstairs in the kitchen). So far I havent felt the difference, but time will tell. It has only been 4 days of taking it. I am coming off the antidepressants nicely, down to 5mg every couple of days now. Next week I will cut down by another day per week. I reckon by January I will have beaten them. It was rather strange in the beginning, because I got real surges of energy running through my body to the point of shaking, but slowly that is calming down. Once I have fully tackled the anti/ds, I will start cutting down on painkillers. With my addictive personality I am holding on to things like that far too long and am not able to live a sober life. Ok, admittedly is has gone better over the years, but I am still shrouding the real me with all this chemical stuff. A sort of security blanket. I have given myself until August 2009 to be off everything ... well maybe not the smoking, but all the tablets, plasters, capsules, suppositories etc. and just deal with my ailments the natural way. After all, humans used to have to live with it before painkillers and such were invented, so surely I can do the same.
I so wanted to go down to London around the middle of this month to see my friends again and particularly Kittie and her lovely fiancée, and to meet her daughter, who is visiting. But it isnt to be due to money matters. The housing benefit office still has not been in touch, as far as they are concerned I had to move out on the 30th November. I have written various emails and 2 recorded delivery letters, but nothing. I am so sick and tired of chasing them. Phoning is impossible, all I get is the engaged tone *grumble* So, another letter is due, but I postpone it from day to day because I just know that the effort will be futile again. :-( But as long as they dont pay up, I will only have the £25 per week to live on ... which is not enough to live, but too much to die .... Have also been trying to reach the emergency loan people at the DWP, but would you believe it, they are constantly engaged too. And if not, nobody picks up the phone. I have written to the team leader there, but all I got back was, that they are experiencing a high level of calls and apologise for the inconvenience *rolling eyes*. What the fcuk would I do if Pete wasnt living here?? Sometimes I am grateful to him ....
