Lazy ...

Yes, I have been lazy with my blog. There are just not enough hours in the day. But I have the impression nobody is reading it anymore, probably it is not interesting to people because I have finished treatment and there are no real trials and tribulations in my life anymore. Never mind, I am still using this as a diary of sorts. However, there really hasn't been that much to report. Life is generally quite happy and full to the brim. I am doing all those things I meant to do during treatment, but never got round to it. At the moment I am making Yule cookies, have put up the tree (although I couldnt find last years deco's) and I am knitting/crocheting at an amazing speed. Soon I will have all the pressies I need ready *hope*

T came and went and it was an interesting night. Lots of healing and spiritual shifts, I think in her as well as me and particularly the dog. She is totally different. After T went last Wednesday, it took me 2 walks to make her walk to heel, even across the road, whereas before she would have just dragged me over the asphalt as fast as caninely possible. Which always ended up with me being in a bad mood! Now she walks nicely and doesnt pick up as much rubbish anymore either. This results in me being in a much better frame of mind and us both enjoying the time together even more. She is also on a more strict diet now and I think it has started to show. It has finally clicked, that even a little too much weight on her, at her age is actually making her age fast by wearing out the joints and muscles. So I really have to be cruel (so she thinks) to be kind (what I feel).

I have also started to take some more supplements as T gave me an ear bashing about not looking after myself well enough. So to the Vitamin B complex I was taking I have now added Omega 3-6-9, Glucosamine and vegetarian cod liver oil (cant remember what its called and too LAZY to walk downstairs in the kitchen). So far I havent felt the difference, but time will tell. It has only been 4 days of taking it. I am coming off the antidepressants nicely, down to 5mg every couple of days now. Next week I will cut down by another day per week. I reckon by January I will have beaten them. It was rather strange in the beginning, because I got real surges of energy running through my body to the point of shaking, but slowly that is calming down. Once I have fully tackled the anti/ds, I will start cutting down on painkillers. With my addictive personality I am holding on to things like that far too long and am not able to live a sober life. Ok, admittedly is has gone better over the years, but I am still shrouding the real me with all this chemical stuff. A sort of security blanket. I have given myself until August 2009 to be off everything ... well maybe not the smoking, but all the tablets, plasters, capsules, suppositories etc. and just deal with my ailments the natural way. After all, humans used to have to live with it before painkillers and such were invented, so surely I can do the same.

I so wanted to go down to London around the middle of this month to see my friends again and particularly Kittie and her lovely fiancée, and to meet her daughter, who is visiting. But it isnt to be due to money matters. The housing benefit office still has not been in touch, as far as they are concerned I had to move out on the 30th November. I have written various emails and 2 recorded delivery letters, but nothing. I am so sick and tired of chasing them. Phoning is impossible, all I get is the engaged tone *grumble* So, another letter is due, but I postpone it from day to day because I just know that the effort will be futile again. :-( But as long as they dont pay up, I will only have the £25 per week to live on ... which is not enough to live, but too much to die .... Have also been trying to reach the emergency loan people at the DWP, but would you believe it, they are constantly engaged too. And if not, nobody picks up the phone. I have written to the team leader there, but all I got back was, that they are experiencing a high level of calls and apologise for the inconvenience *rolling eyes*. What the fcuk would I do if Pete wasnt living here?? Sometimes I am grateful to him ....