... is what I feel like today. Went to the gig last night, and although both Swallow The Sun and Apocalyptica gave their best, the acoustic in the Carling Academy Bristol made it sound crap. Also when I saw Apocalyptica the last time, supporting Rammstein in Brixton Academy a couple of years back, they had a sort of serenity and solemness about them, which I liked. It somehow had more spirit. It was beautiful to look at then and maybe I went there yesterday with expectations which couldnt be fulfilled. At some point, when one of the guys took his top of, it was like being at some cheap stip joint as all the little girlies started shrieking and shouting. I expect that behaviour from men, but not from women. On the other hand, this has just reminded me of a gig I played with Statik in the Arnolfini. I was going out with Lucy from Glastonbury then, and she brought all her Lesbian friends along. About in the middle of the gig during a rather quiet song, about 15 women started shouting my name and 'get your tits out for the girls'. That was rather embarrassing and unfitting for the type of music (Industrial). I was told afterwards in no uncertain terms, not to bring that bunch of nutters along again LOL.
But coming to the feeling of 'unhinged'. It was the second time that I mixed with so many people again since way before treatment. The first time was when Kittie and I went out in Soho last month. I didnt do badly on either occasion, but it does leave me feeling empty and drained the next day. Somehow I loose all the confidence and self-love have have been building up recently and have to start again. I did concede to have 2 pints of watered down lager, which might have something to do with it although I didnt feel in the slightest drunk. Maybe it's just the hordes of people and being in close proximity with some unpleasant characters ;) Well, nothing a bit of spiritual cleansing and energy work can't put right. So today I am having a simple and relaxing time, maybe a nice fragrant bath in a bit. Must come down to Earth again ...
Oh and Kittie, if you read this: The leather coat had a nice outing last night ;)
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