True Colours

I havent blogged for a fair few days now, a week I think. I was confused and shook up, trying to get level headed again on top of feeling really affected by the side effects this time.

Werner arrived last Tuesday, I managed to drive to the airport, wait around (outside) for nearly an hour and drive all the way back without too much trouble. Couple of iffy moments, but nobody but me noticed. Pete had told me on Monday that he had taken the week off too, something about not being able to take holidays until September. Single people, no kids have a holiday ban during summer at the DWP. Anyway, he was nice enough to Werner, making us coffee and sitting with us. They couldnt really talk, Werner's English being very little and Pete's German non-existent, which probably was a blessing in disguise. Not that there was anything to hide on my part, just because I know how P can be when he wants to. I drove them to the gig in the evening and picked them up again. They seemed to have had a good time and all was amicable. We still sat together for a while, chatting about it. Then W went off to sleep. Oh, I forgot, they both had a fair amount to drink!! Whilst I was putting stuff away in the kitchen, I asked P if the rabbit had been fed. He went totally off on one about me shirking my responsibilities and that the illness was an excuse and that I wasnt really ill at all, something about I was lying to myself about it, by which time I felt so hurt, that I walked off and went to bed. I wasnt going to have a row with a bevvied up person. I couldnt sleep most of the night, crying and thinking and not knowing what to do. The next morning he was as sweet as pie again, but I dont trust the situation now and I feel that he hates me, or at least parts of me. I just cant explain to myself, why he asked a few days before if I could imagine a 'proper' relationship with him again?? He also told me that he found a draught letter to my friend Chiara from about 2 1/2 years ago, in which I wrote that he turns me off sexually. Now I cant find this letter, and I also cant remember writing it (but that doesnt mean much). But this would explain why he went completely off me after I was diagnosed. On the other hand ... maybe this is just an excuse?? I wish I could talk to him, but he is just being his usual self of 'yes' and 'no' again. And I cant push the matter as I am afraid of another outburst. Oh what to do?

Noticed that the Interferon peaks 72 hours after injection have turned worse than the initial peak. I have asked people on the forum, and it looks as if this happens to quite a few people. So the health professionals lie when they say the worst is over after 24 hours and also that it gets better with time. But anyway, how would they know? It's not them doing the treatment, is it?

My mouth is so sore at the back again, that I can hardly swallow and the whole jawbone is feeling sore, including all the roots of the teeth. My muscles just keep collapsing and cramping when I walk, especially up the stairs, and just going from the living room to the kitchen leaves me absolutely breathless at times. This is strange though, as my bloods have been quite good compared with some other people. Maybe I am just a wimp!