Home sweet home

Yes, I am back ... and quite happy about it too. It is strange how much I got used to my routine, which serves as a mega security blanket. Felt quite out of my depth on occasions out there. As I walked through the door, I had a massive welcome from the animals. So sweet! Then I walked Isis, fed the cats ... and things were back to normal. Very comforting.

I had a good time on holidays, but it wasn't very relaxing. I drove 1000 miles, without a problem I might add, no panic attack or fear, which was quite amazing. However, my friend is quite hard work these days. He has become so old, so worn, so tired and his brain is not quite functioning anymore. He is 54!!! But still he is trying to hang on to his old hippy image, pretending to live in the 60s/70s. This can be so infuriating at times and he gets rather quarrelsome when he's had a drink, also very negative about life, the universe and everything. On top of that, he is becoming quite a macho and I did have to bite my tongue a few times, when he was raving about women ^^ So now back home, I enjoy the silence and as long as I am not working, I can relax and recuperate here.

The holiday has shown me, that I am probably ready to go back to work though. I didn't experience any fatigue, pains weren't too bad either and I think the brain fog is almost gone. Still forgetting the odd thing here and there, like names, places and what I was going to do, but I am starting to put that down to old age now rather than the treatment. I think as from next week I will put some effort into signing up with some job agencies, providing they will have me.

Today will be a quiet day. I feel like I haven't arrive back quite yet. So pottering around doing some necessary cleaning and walking the dog sounds just ideal. Not going back on the forum yet either. Can't cope with more attacks just yet, and as there isn't much support (i.e. moderators) my mind needs to be fully fit to cope with it. It's a shame really, because I do miss it, but it has deteriorated over the past few weeks and so far I don't think anything is being done to get it back on track. Poor T. has left due to all the personal attacks and W. has lost all her confidence, too. Not what anybody needs who is just doing/finishing/awaiting treatment. Well, I guess I will have a look tomorrow and then make my final decision.