Don't know where the time since Thursday evening went. I know I have spent a lot of time at the computer, playing silly games, just because lying down hurts as much and makes my thoughts wander into abysses I'd rather not see. Feels like I have adjusted to the anti/ds now and they have no effect anymore. Maybe the psyche doc will adjust the dose when I see him next.On top of that I have started panic attacks again ... on a daily basis. Don't know what might cause it, there hasn't been any added stress apart from talk of dosage reduction. Still don't know about that though, as there wasnt enough blood last Thursday to do a full blood count. You'd think such things shouldn't happen to nurses who take blood all day. I know she was trying to milk my vein for the last couple of minutes as to not have to prick me again, so I cant really blame her. But now I have to go into hospital again tomorrow for another blood test. After last Thursday's ordeal with the full blown panic attack and having to take a taxi, that is not a nice prospect. Especially as I wont be able to take a cab tomorrow. I have 20 quid to my name, which are supposed to last until incapacity benefit finally arrives. I will definitely have to sort out a crisis loan this week. Rent hasnt been paid and food is needed too. And I am going to the wedding, so I need a bit of cash there too.
Ah, I think I just put my finger on the reason for the panic attacks. Existential problems *nod* See if they subside again, once that is dealt with.
3 comments:
fuck. treatment isn't easy - you shouldn't be having money worries as well...sorry you are having to deal with this sweetie - but also know we both have the punk rock background to get through whatever the fuck life throws at us and in a few months time will be hanging out on the streets of london like tis 1987 again, lol!!!
big big hugs xxx
Fishy you won`t need much here infact nothing...we will see your ok.....Paybacks later when your feeling better.....
How much A/Ds you on..?....You might have to up the dose....
Bugger this is the worst thing during tx the financial problems....
Chin up bubs its nearly weekend...PXX
Thanks to both of you! Yes, Kittie, I will be ok eventually. I am the ultimate survivor! Otherwise, would I still be alive?? LOL
Chrissy, I be ok for the wedding, I am going to borrow £20 of Pete. That just will have to be enough. Luckily we dont need to purchase alcohol :-)
Very excited now ...
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