There must be something massively wrong with me. I have met 3 people over the past few months, who I established a lovely pen contact with. Then I meet these people in person, I spend some time with them ... and voilá ... they disappear out of my life. I do try to convince myself, that it is their loss, not mine. But ultimately I do feel that it is my loss too. I just wish I knew why it happened, why they don't want any contact with me anymore, what I did/said wrong. I am working on not dwelling on this, but I can feel it eating away on me. It also makes me cautious to suggest to other people to meet up. People not liking me used to be a dead given in my druggy days, but I really thought I had progressed from that. Then I know I used to be horrible, cold and distant, always looking to get a fix out of my acquaintances and 'friends'. I am a better person now, really I am. I give more than I receive (I hope) and I choose to do so. I also live my life without hurting anybody intentionally. The old Wiccan principle: Do as you want to be done by. So what the fuck is still wrong with me? Where can I improve, how can I be even a better person?Starting to look forward to the holidays now. Out of these for walls, the first time since March really. Hopefully the weather won't let me down too much. I want to enjoy the outdoors and not be stuck indoors or get soaking wet when outside. Well, I shall see. Still anticipating a good time ....
Oh, by the way, up to 110 squares for the blanket now. It was supposed to be 12 x 12, but have decided now to make it 15 x 15 pieces, i.e. 1.5 x 1.5 m. This means I need to crochet 125 more ... arrrgh!
2 comments:
I often wondered the same thing...what happens...
It is a phenomenal occurance in new age workshops where you connect with people for a week or two, get intimate exchange emails and it ends. I understand it now and while everyone is excited to exchange emails/phones I know it is a waste of time. Some people like to have internet relationships, others face to face the rest just work, etc. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, it is just the nature of the world and people being in their comfort zone, which is usually the screen.
I do think you got a point there, Magda. Sad but true! Mind you, I didnt meet the people in the street or bar or anything, they have been in my home, shared my food and water. Oh well, somebody goes, somebody else arrives. I suppose it is the nature of the beast.
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