Couldnt wait any longer yesterday. Did the last shot at 6pm. It was pretty unceremonious, only when I pulled the needle out for the last time, I mumbled: "Bye bye forever!" Well, lets hope that it will be a 'forever'. About an hour after the injection, I started throwing up, having really bad stomach and belly cramps followed by various trips to the loo, shivering and sweating all night and I only just managed to get up at 12 midday! Did have my breakfast at around 9am, but instantly felt sick and tummy troubled again. So went back to sleep. At the moment the stomach has calmed down. I wonder if it is the Ribavirin doing it and my inerts saying: "WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH" Tough, there is another 6 days of tablets to be done. Oh well, got this far, will manage the last few days too.
Now of course I have started to worry about the detox. Will I feel as bad as some of my friends? Or might I just be lucky and one thing will go easy for me for a change?? I think if I just can get back to feeling as before tx, it would be bloody marvellous. Anything better than that, I would jump with joy. Having felt crap for nearly 20 years, I dont really have a picture of how a 50 year old, relatively healthy woman should be feeling.
Jessica felt the necessity to row with me in her emails again yesterday. She seemed to have some problems with her parents-in-law again, who are refusing to pay child maintenance for their 25 year old son. She wanted to phone me to 'discuss' this with me. Apparently she was very low. Well, unfortunately, so was I. I had just spent some time vomiting and in pain, I had a banging headache and just wanted to lay down. I told her, that I didnt feel capably of holding the phone. She went into a rant about that everybody lets her down when she needs people, that she always has to be there for us, but nobody is ever there for her. I know that song and dance, and just didnt email back and looked after myself. The message I had this morning: "Bye then and thanks for nothing!" So the blame is on me again and I am expected to come crawling and make up I guess. The thing is, I've just gone through tx on my own. She wanted to come and visit, but found every excuse under the sun not to come. So I left it. Whenever she phoned, it was about her, usually a hasty 'And how are you?' thrown in at the end. So therefore I don't think I should feel too guilty for caring for myself at the moment. I shall not make the first move for now. Gemini's are such difficult people. Beautiful and vibrant and loving on the one hand, and devilish and hurtful on the other end. Shame they don't recognise that.
Going to force myself out with Isis now and then down to the cashpoint. Hopefully once there I find the strength to go scowering the charity shops for an outfit and grab some food stuff too. It might just lift my general mood!
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